oh, I forgot to mention.

If you're interested in some amazing, inspirational, documentary photography, check out Lauren Greenfield's work...

http://www.laurengreenfield.com/

The other day I was looking through some pictures from this place...

Tall Timbers is hard to explain. Their website claims that it's a "seasonal camping Resort Community" and it's located in NJ. To try to sum it up, it's a place that a lot of people go to from the city, PA, other places in NJ, etc to spend their summers. People can buy property there and set up trailers to live in. Theres jobs available, themed parties to go to, activities for the young ones, a pool, etc.
I know Tall Timbers may not sound like the best place to hang around all summer, but it's one of my favorite places to visit and maybe spend a week or a month there. hah.

Basically, my family grew up going to this place. My grandparents bought property when their children were quite young and it has been a place for my family to gather ever since.

While visiting over the years, I got to know my family pretty well. I also got to know the friends of my cousin and those some of people make up some of my really good friends today.

One summer, I decided to work there with my cousin, Jessica, and her friend, Alyssa. It was defiantly an experience to remember. In a matter of 6 weeks, we all went through laughing until we were all in pain, shaving cream fights, late night walks/swims, making new friends, playing random board games, drama, dressing up, river rafting, and so much more.

Sadly, since then it has changed. Rather, the people there have changed. Some people have just stopped visiting, others have just changed from over the years. I have always had this picture of Tall Timbers in my head of a place to escape from my life for a while. To let go of my worries and just try to have a good time. I believe it still is, just in a different way. I will still be excited to go there and see the familiar faces. I will still look forward to swinging on the swings with Jessica, staying up late and just sitting around with friends, Carly freaking out about the boys shes in like with, doing the time warp, and a lot more.

Tall Timbers still means a lot to me even though I only visited twice last summer.
I am really hoping my mom will let me go there by myself, I doubt it, but I can at least hope. I really miss the atmosphere there and the way I can see a lot of my favorite people at once.
I mean, I don't know how often my favorite people I am going to see though. I heard my aunt is selling her property. My grandparents are in NC now, who knows if they are coming back. But somehow, the rest of the family and friends there might make it work. Or so I hope.

It's hard to describe everything that has happened with Tall Timbers. I just know I wouldn't be the same without it today.

A rant about reality TV shows..

Just because I'm not tired yet...

I have noticed in the past few years, that reality TV shows have become extremely popular...for reasons that I am unaware of.

I must admit, I do watch a few myself such as; America's Top Model and Picture This! which is based on photography. But the only reasons I watch those shows is to see the concepts, the directing, the lighting, the placement, of photography. How the photographers work with their subjects to get the best shots, how they go about editing, etc. I don't watch it for the pleasure of the drama and watching people cry. I don't watch it for their annoying rants about each other. I watch it because of my hobby/soon to be career.

Here is an example of a show that does nothing but piss me off; Sweet 16.
Now, in American culture, the 16th birthday is a big deal (for most people) but most (probably all) of these girls are the most spoiled brats I have ever seen. They go around flaunting their popularity and their money just to impress people are get an hour of air time. They take their parents as push overs and end up getting whatever they please. They wave around thank you's, hugs, and kisses, but I am pretty sure they don't appreciate what they have. They are lost within the depths of the materialistic world they were brought up in.
I saw one girl go on a rampage for a hour just because she didn't get her Dunkin Donuts in the morning. I saw another bitch at her mom because of not getting a dress that was past her spending limit. Obviously, they haven't learned how to appreciate life yet.


The other shows where they take a whole bunch of rich kids and stick them all in a house together are quite ridiculous as well. These people are getting paid to live in a huge house with a bunch of strangers and cause drama for America's entertainment. I mean, who knows if these shows are actually "reality" or are some of them pre-planned.
I rather not sit down to watch a program about girls bitch fighting over a guy, making out scenes, lies, drama, drinking, sex, etc. It just doesn't appeal to me and I can never see it appealing to me. I don't understand why it appeals to others. All those people do is whine and all of the sudden everyone loves them and everyone wants to be them.

It's one thing to have a tv show with a plot and actors who are willing to try their best to entertain their audiences. It's another thing to stick a camera crew in other people's lives and call it entertainment. Most of the time, I feel as if these people are doing this for the attention and sympathy from others...

A lot of these shows just happen to be on MTV.
And I have a question, what the freak happened to MTV?
It's called Music Television, correct?
Well most of it now are these reality shows, dating shows, and whatever music happens to end up on it sucks!
I think that it should be renamed to... WHNGMAMBNWHSRSTV
And that stands for...We Have No Good Music Anymore But Now We Have Stupid Reality Shows Television.
: ]


Here is what I propose...
We take all of those people who think life is filled with diamonds, shopping, sex, and drama and throw them all in a soup kitchen for lets say...a few months. Let them see what the other side of life is going through and hopefully slap them all with a bit of actual reality. Go figure.
I think that once they appreciate what they have, they will be better people, and they will be less annoying.

That's just my opinion though, you don't have to listen to me.


On a lighter note, I saw the movie, "The Blind Side" today and it was amazing.
I recommend it to anyone.
I finally finished my video for my Time Movement and Narrative class and it can be viewed on my facebook here: CLICK!
&&& Here is a video of Reel Big Fish doing a cover of one of my favorite Operation Ivy songs....



^.^

I have crazy dreams and I think I've figured out what I want to do with my life.

To the right is the coolest cake I've ever seen. If you know, someone made this for me for my birthday or wedding, that would be amazing!

Okay so, this morning, I had a weird dream.
I went with Jolene, Kathryn, and a few other people to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the theater here. But, before the show started, Frankenfurter came on stage and told us we had to get our invitations out of our mail box to be allowed to see the show. Conveniently, our mail boxes were moved to the theater and I went to retrieve my invitation. Along with the invitation, I found a note from some guy telling me he kidnapped my sister and he wanted to meet me somewhere to collect his ransom.

Furious, I walked over to where the guy was and he pretty much was holding Melanie in a head lock. He was about to tell me what he wanted when I thought of the idea of distracting him. So, I took out my camera, blinded him with my flash, and got a picture of him as well. He demanded the camera and forgot about his ransom because he knew a picture was taken of him. I secretly took out the memory card, put it in my pocket, then handed him my camera. He destroyed it on the spot and gave me Melanie.

Once we knew we were safe, we went back to watch the play. I just witnessed something I thought I never would and I was in no mood to do the Time Warp. I was about to leave when I spotted Melanie's kidnapper and remembered I had my memory card in my pocket. I got up to leave with Melanie to report this guy, then I woke up...a few seconds before my alarm went off.

I just thought I should share that, it was somewhat interesting.


Another thought today.
During Photo History, I was contemplating what I really wanted to do with photography as a career.
I have decided a while ago that I love taking portraits and I would love to work in a studio.
Today, I have decided that, despite the fact that I wanted to change my minor about 2303498 times, journalism is a good minor me. This is because lately, I have become interested in documentary photography. Some of the people that influenced me in this area are, Tom Stone, Walker Evans, Dorthea Lange, and Melissa Lyttle. I have decided I really want to get to know my subjects while photographing them (and/or their lives in general) I want my subjects and I to be comfortable around each other and for my subjects to be completely natural in their settings.

Another thing I want to do for a side project, is work with bands. Go figure.
That's another area of photography I can't resist. I love emphasizing on the way fingers move on instruments and how bands and audiences react to each other.
Putting my two favorite things together, music and photography, would make my job more enjoyable than I already intend it to be.

So, yeah, those are three areas of photography I really want to focus on. I can even put two together like music and studio or music and documentary photography. Hopefully, my future turns out to be a good one.
But for now, I may be over thinking it a bit. ^.^

It's about time...

It was my intention for a while to dedicate a blog to my boyfriend, Ryan.

Throughout high school, I went through my years of liking jerkfaces, boys who really didn't give a crap about me, and boys who lived too far away. I also had this bad habit of looking for someone to like. Bad idea. Once I stopped worrying about wanting a boyfriend, the unexpected happened.

The day after my high school career ended, is when Ryan and I discovered our liking for each other. We decided to date, but if things didn't work out, we agreed to still be friends. But, things did work out, very well I might add. Like turned into adore, adore turned into almost love, and almost love turned into, "I love you."

Ryan has become my best friend. He's someone I can vent to, laugh with, skip through parking lots with, attempt to bake with, cry with, randomly dance with, and he's someone who loves me for who I am. I couldn't ask for more.

Ryan's an amazing person, he just doesn't believe me when I tell him. He's very musically inclined and I believe he will make a wonderful music teacher someday. He's honest, trustworthy, and he speaks his mind. He treats me very well and I never feel like I am being controlled on our relationship. (unlike people who are in relationships that can't hang out, hug, or talk to other people without the other person complaining and getting jealous.)

I have seen plenty of relationships come and go, succeed and fail. By seeing those relationships, I have made a very long list of what I wanted my perfect relationship to be like.

Aside from the physical features like, nice hair, nice eyes, nice smile, taller than me (that's not hard to find :P). I wanted someone I can be myself around, even if I happen to be spastic at the time. I wanted someone who will like/love me for who I am and not mind my flaws. I wanted someone to be silly with me, dance with me. I wanted someone who had a similar taste in music and who possibly played an instrument. I wanted someone to be my best friend.

My list goes on for a while. But basically, the point I am trying to make is that I have found someone, (or rather we have found each other) who fits all of these things I wanted in a relationship and more.

I hate saying goodbye to him. I want each and every day we spend together to last a lifetime. I love hearing him laugh and seeing him smile. I love being in his arms and feeling like I belong there. I love feeling completely comfortable around him and not caring what I look like or act like.

I am glad to say, I am happy that I've waited this long to be in an actual relationship like this. I have learned from past mistakes what I really want in my life. I believe now that I am older, more mature, and kind of know where I am going with my life, I can handle a relationship a lot better rather than having a boyfriend in high school or junior high.

Oh, I could go on.

But to conclude, I love you Ryan.

<3

There are two important things I would like to blog today, if I have time.

But now, I will rant and ramble on about something I just heard about recently and that has been bothering me for quite a while.

Yesterday, I found out that my mom and my sister, Melanie are going to start counseling soon.

Apparently, Melanie went into the guidance office yesterday and opened up to Mrs. Korba about all the problems she has been having. She did the same with my dad a while ago. The sad part is, she can't even open up to my mom and I. So, Mrs. Korba got my mom and dad into her office as well. I don't know how the counseling thing came about but apparently it did, and it will start soon.

What kills me is that I barely know what's going on at home with Melanie. She would call me up but a lot of the times I would be busy, or in class. When we do get a chance to talk, she doesn't tell me much. Sometimes she just sits on the phone and doesn't say anything to me. I really wish she would tell me what's wrong.

Last year, things seemed fine and somewhat normal. Normal meaning Melanie had the habit of getting up late hence making her late to school, procrastinate a bit, and be a picky eater. Once and a while she would cry and complain about something, even if it was a material item. She would get into some arguments with my mom over stupid things. But, they seemed normal then.

Apparently, ever since I left for college, things have gotten significantly worse. I now believe that my presence in her life being taken away from her so suddenly has made a huge impact on her, which makes sense. But I think she has to learn how to accept change and how to appreciate what she has.

A few years ago, I went to San Fransisco. I loved everything about it. While I was there, I noticed a lot of homeless people and realized that I have never seen so many in one place before. It made me feel horrible. One day at dinner, I decided not to eat much. I packed up my dinner in a carry-out container and gave it to a homeless man sitting on the street. He gave me many thanks and then told us some stories about his life. This moment made me realize how much I wanted to help those people, even if it was just to help them for a few minutes, put a simple smile on their face, or listen to their stories all night long. That's when I decided one day I want to volunteer at a Soup Kitchen and do whatever I can to help. That's when I realized how wonderful my life is and that I really shouldn't take it for granted.

I think Melanie needs one of those moments. I think she needs to learn how to appreciate what she has and not take anything for granted. She needs to learn not to rely so much on material items and learn how to make a living and buy things for herself without asking others for money. She needs to try to live her life to the fullest and not lock herself in her room all the time. She needs to go for walks, watch the sunset, express herself in some form to make her feel better. Maybe through art, music, writing, whatever her passion may be which I don't even know at this point...

I keep telling her she needs to keep her grades up. She slacking in some of her classes and I don't even know why. She's not handing in homework and she's not putting as much effort in as she needs to. I don't want her to end up like me and not be able to pass her Math B regents or not get grades good enough to attend a SUNY college.

She needs to get her head out of trying to fit in with everyone else and be whoever she wants to be and whoever she feels comfortable being. She needs to open up to people who care about her and not completely isolate herself from us.

I really don't know what to do anymore, I try to talk to her but nothing ever works.

I could probably go on for several more paragraphs, but I suppose I should stop for now.

On an end note, I am writing this because I care.

I think I have a weird obsession with being happy.

The past two days were just wonderful.

Yesterday, I attempting filming some footage for my video and my mom and Ryan came to visit.
I love getting visitors.
I love walking around town and campus with them.
Seeing Ryan made me incredibly happy. I love just holding his hand and enjoying the beautiful weather with him. I felt happy.
I also loved seeing my mom, she's really great. She just doesn't believe me when I tell her how amazing she is.

Today, I ran outside for the first time this semester. It was such an easy going and wonderful run. If I wasn't short on time, I would have probably ran for longer than I did.

My dad and Felecia visited today.
I took them to Brunch at the cafe, what an adventure. Good thing my cafe isn't any bigger because they would have gotten lost in a matter of seconds.
We walked around campus, I showed them the gallery, then they went for a walk so I can film.
I felt bad tho because it took me 2 and a half hours to film. I hope my dad and Felecia at least got a little entertainment out of it while they were watching. It was entertaining for the whole cast and me the whole entire time.
After that, my dad, Felecia and I went to eat at Caz Pizza. I was really trying to have a good time, but my dad kept bring up how Melanie is depressed, how she hates John, and how she doesn't want to live with my mom anymore. Way to brighten things up...
I suppose with every good day, there are those few minor flaws...

After dinner, I went to go take some "old pictures" with Chaz, Brian, Helena, and Aaron. It was quite the picture we took. Brian and Aaron dressed in dresses while Helena, Chaz and I dressed in ganster attire. I only wish I made a better face.


When that adventure was over, I headed over to the drag show with Jolene, Johnna, Kathryn, and whoeverJohnnasfriendwas.
It was an interesting experience...and I don't think I will go to a drag show again.
Thennn the comedian! He was pretty funny. He told a lot of jokes I could relate to which made it even funnier. I also heard my laugh echo all over the freakin lecture hall. bahh.

I planned to go to the mall tomorrow. But since my mom is incredibly good at guilt trips and John has yet to visit me to see my picture in the gallery, I decided to stay here so him and his mom could visit. It's just the way my family works, I suppose...

I have noticed that in this past semester, I have been happier and a lot more content with myself rather than last semester and the last few years of high school for that matter. I'm actually doing and learning stuff I love which wasn't possible for me in high school. hah. High school also sucked for many other reasons. Now it's slowly falling apart and even though I miss it, I'm glad I graduated when I did.