I want to write a book based off of my dreams.

Last night, I experienced something called a Lucid Dream for the first time.

Lucid dreaming is basically being aware that you are dreaming and on occasion, you can control that dream. In my opinion, that is freakin awesome.

Right before I went to bed last night, I started the book, "A Clockwork Orange." Now, I don't know if that contributed to this weird dreaming I had, but I am pretty sure it did.

In my dream, I was basically living in the future and it wasn't a pleasant one. It was a future filled with the government taking over absolutely everything and the military watching the streets at night. It was rare to find a decent and safe place to live. People were questionable, there was no money, we used the barter system and stole to get what we needed.

In the beginning of the dream, I was driving my car with someone in the passenger seat (I don't know who). I dropped that person off and decided I wanted to commit suicide because I couldn't stand this new world I was witnessing. So I tried to kill myself by slamming my car into random buildings. (I don't know what it was, maybe I couldn't find any cliffs to drive off of or something. I also can never drive properly in my dreams, no matter how hard I try.)

Anyway, I failed at killing myself and completely wreaked my car (obviously). So, I decided to check this new world out. (I don't feel like writing out all of the details of the new world, I wrote paragraphs and paragraphs in my dream journal this morning but I'll try to keep it short and simple here). Basically, green was a hard color to find. There was barely any grass and most of the land was dry. Surprisingly, I found a safe place to stay for a few days that was filled with green grass and a few trees too. This place was a little community filled with people my age. They welcomed me with warmth and smiles and let me stay as long as I wanted to. I accepted the invitation and stayed for a few days. While at this place, I managed to find an old friend, gather up supplies and clothes to last me a while (by stealing out of peoples suitcases from the streets), and become familiar with my new home.

The old friend I ran into looked a lot like my friend, Raymond, so we will call him Raymond. Now, Raymond promised that when we figures it out, he will help me escape this place. It wasn't a bad place to be, I was kind of enjoying it. But, at night the military roamed the streets and whoever was roaming the streets as well were sent to the prison at the military base. The green hideout I lived in was basically secretive and the military could find it at any given moment. That's why I had to get out.

Next thing I knew, I was in a crummy old apartment. It was a huge time jump I suppose. I assumed that Raymond got me out of the hideout and brought me there. The military still roamed the streets there, but it was safer than an unwanted hide out I suppose. While I was there, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find some guy trying to get me to barter with him. I refused and he noticed that I was very bitter (Well, I only somehow ended up in a futuristic world where people live in fear and it seemed as if the apocalypse hit the planet.) This guy gave up the bartering attempt and then he was really determined to make me laugh. He took me to his place where all of his friend and family were. They all seemed happy and content and they manged to get a few smiles and laughs out of me. After that bit, the guy took me back to my apartment where Raymond was cooking dinner. While walking back in, I noticed that the apartment wasn't very secure for the doors seemed to be made out of rubber. When I got back inside, Raymond showed me what he cooked for dinner and a cat's head was laid out on a platter burnt with it's eyes bulging out. After that, I never let him cook again.

That was the end of my dream that seemed to last all night.

During this whole entire dream, I swear I knew I was dreaming. I had control of my actions and I had a blast with it (even though the dream wasn't that pleasant). I also think I was half awake at times because I distinctly remember rolling over and just continuing with the same dream with the realization that I can control it. I chose to try to kill myself to escape the new world, I chose to push some random guy off of me when he tried to kiss me and told him that I wasn't one to kiss random strangers, I chose to steal clothes so I can be clothed even though they were guys clothes, and I chose to trust my friend Raymond.

When I was young, I watched a Blues Clues episode where they told you that you can control your dreams, you can make your scary dreams into happy dreams. I never believed them. Their method never helped me make my reoccurring dinosaur dream disappear. I never believed them until now. It's so crazy. I can't even explain it. Maybe I should read, "A Clockwork Orange" before bed more often so I can see if this could happen again.

I strongly recommend keeping track of your dreams. Keep a journal by your bed and write them down immediately after waking up or else you can forget them easily. Force yourself to write them if you have to. Things can get interesting, trust me.

One year.

So, this will be a short but to the point blog.

I have a few things to say but don't have enough time to get into a lot of detail about them now.

1) It has officially been one year since Ryan and I started to date. The fact that one year went by so fast kind of scares me. Despite my paranoia of time, I am truly happy that I've spent the last year with Ryan as my significant other. I am very grateful to have found someone who isn't a jerkface (like guys I've liked in high school) and who loves me for who I am. Thank you Ryan, Happy One Year. : )

2) Ever since I have been in college, I think I have become angrier at the world. I have human being rage. It sounds odd, but I find myself being more and more pissed off at people. People who find the need to show off and be jerk faces. People who are self-centered, don't give a thought to the rest of the world, and people who need a huge slap in the face by reality itself. I'm not saying everyone sucks, there are a lot of decent people in the world. Sometimes it takes some sifting through to find decent people, but it's worth it. I am thankful to have wonderful, decent people in my life and when those bad eggs roll around, I'll try to not let them affect me too much.

3) Every day I question my future. I'm going to college to take pictures, I think that sounds so weird! Anyway, I'm always wondering if I am doing the right thing. While working with Jack Cole (a local studio photographer) I am finding out about how a lot of people don't find the need to get their pictures professionally taken anymore. Maybe it's just around that small, rural, area of Oneonta. Maybe if I go closer to a larger city to start a business in photography I can make a decent living for myself.

When I first decided to major in photography, I couldn't see myself doing anything else in my life. I was really determined, I still am. I just wonder if I can really make a future out of it. If now, what will I do? I have several things I want to do with photography, studio photography, photojournalism/documentary, and I can possibly be an adjunct photography professor. Every moment I worry about my future career and I have to stop that.

4) Sometimes, I wish I can go back in time to grab opportunities and chances while I could. For example, I should have stuck with playing in band while I could. In 5th grade, we were allowed to choose any instrument to play and I chose the flute. After the first few music lessons, I was already freaking out and didn't think I could proceed with the flute anymore, so I quit.

For one, I wish I picked a different instrument, like the trumpet and stuck with it.

Two, it could have helped me not be such a dumb butt when it comes to reading music. I really, really wish I learned how to read music when I was younger. Now when people try to teach me, I have a mental block. I absolutely can not understand it.

I also should have taken studio art in high school. I could have taken photography if I did that which would have given me a heads up if I wanted to pursue it as a career or not and maybe, just maybe, I could actually be decent at other forms of art too.

I think I'm done for now. I've got work in the morning, I am tired, and there are still music mixes to be made!

Teen Role Model?

I wanted to post a blog earlier, but I didn't really have anything to rant about until now.

My subject for tonight is Miley Cyrus.

When Hanna Montana first debuted on Disney Channel, my sister, Melanie, fell in love with it right away. It wasn't a horrible show, the music annoyed the crap out of me but at least it wasn't sending out the wrong message. After Melanie got a hold of the music, she blasted it all of the time. I hated it. I can not stand the sound of Miley Cyrus's voice.

One day, after ranting to my friend Anthony about how much I hated Miley Cyrus's music, he made a very good point. He said that at least kids and tweens are looking up to Miley rather than looking up to rappers who rap about sex, drugs, and clubs. I agreed with him and for once appreciated what Miley stood for. That was two years ago.

Now, Miley has become something that I don't want the younger generations looking up to at all. Despite the fact Miley still does her kids show, her music has gotten to a point where she's making herself look like every other wannabeamazingsinger in the music industry today. It sickens me.

She went from being a role model singing about living two lives to a teen slut singing about how much men she can get. How pathetic is that? She is younger than me, she shouldn't be singing about that crap. hah

I just don't understand, she was decent, I admit that now. Now she's just stupid.

I just showed Melanie her new music video and even she is disappointed! Go figure!

This wasn't even a really good rant, but at least I made my point.

I came up with this rant after watching this video:

Concerts and the scariest moment of my life yet

In this blog, I have two things to rant about.

Rant Number 1:

The other day, I fainted for the first time ever.

A few days ago, Meghan and I decided to meet each other halfway in town so we could hang out. It was a lot more humid than we both expected. When we got back to my house, I was really really thirsty and I was also sweating. So, I decided to change my clothes quick then grab a drink. While looking for a drink/something to eat, I slammed my finger in the fridge, of course. Then I proceed to open it again, I saw black spots everywhere, but I ignored it because that sometimes happens. The next thing I know, I'm sitting on the floor with my head resting against my arms and all I see is black. I sit there for a moment thinking I was in bed, this is a dream, right? No. I finally wake up and see Meghan saying "JENNA!" with relief. At the time my phone was also ringing. Usually, I wake up in the mornings to my phone ringing so that might have nudged me awake. (It was a text message from Jolene by the way. hehe.)

I got up and started freaking out, I asked Meghan if I just fainted and she said yes. I ran up to the bathroom and splashed water on my face and made sure it wasn't a dream. Sure enough, I was awake. A few seconds later, my mom came home for lunch and I told her what happened. She started to freak out and I put a calm face on telling her I'm fine and that there is nothing to worry about. Then when she left the room to call a doctor, I started to cry. I figured it was dehydration that made me faint, but it's never happened before, I guess it was understandable to cry.

So, my mom decided to take me to the emergency room and Meghan came with us. They took us in right away and a nurse lady asked me a few questions but I started to cry again. Then they sent me into a room with my mom and Meghan and we waited for the nurse and doctor to come in. A nurse came in to put fluids in my arm and to take some blood for blood tests. She tried my left arm, couldn't find a visible vein. She tried the left arm, poked it this time and it didn't work. She sent a different nurse to try to get some blood out of me. She tried my hand, poked me, didn't work. The 3rd nurse came in and got a needle my right arm right away. Gah!

The whole time in that room, I tired to keep a positive attitude and I did. I cracked jokes and tried to make Meghan and my mom laugh rather than worry. Soon enough, (meaning a few hours later) the doctor came in and told me I was normal. Go figure! All I needed to do was keep hydrated and try not to slam my fingers in places so much.

Despite the fact I was okay, that fainting moment still scared the crap out of me. Now fainting is on my list of fears.

Rant Number 2:

This is my official rant about concerts.

Let's start out with mentioning how much I love concerts. Live music is something that everyone needs to experience. Everyone who attends concerts has something in common. We all experience the power of the music, sing along, and have a good time (for the most part).

In my short 18 (almost 19) years on earth, I have experienced a variety of concerts. I've been to huge arenas and tiny bars. I've seen bands perform crappy rap, to ska, to rock, to boy bands, to oldies, and a crap load more. I usually have a pretty good time at concerts, I try to ignore the idiots, the drunk people, the complaining parents in the mosh pit, etc. When going to a concert, you have to be prepared for almost anything.

Last night, I saw the Dave Matthews Band live at SPAC for the first time. Since DMB is pretty freakin popular, we were stuck with getting lawn tickets. But lawn tickets are no problem, there's huge screens to see the concert from and you can still see the stage.

Going to a DMB concert, I should have expected the pot, the smoke, and the beer and I kind of did. I just didn't expect people to be so rude about it. Oh, boys and girls found their way to sneak pot and bowls into SPAC and get high off their asses all night. People found ways to sneak beer in and spend $10 a cup there, drink until they pass out, then security guards would have to wake them up. People founds ways to be complete jerk faces on the field and not let people pass by.

Ryan and I decided to get closer to the band while having these lawn tickets. So, we moved closer to the point where it felt like we were actually in the mosh pit. In every direction we turned there were people smoking cigarettes and pot then proceeding to blow it right into our faces. By the end of the night, my lungs felt all asdkasdasjd and I thought...if this is what I would feel like after smoking/getting high then I would never do it. It's stupid.

By the middle of the show, Ryan and I decided to head back up to the seats where my mom and John sat. Oh, and there was a passed out drunk guy right behind us, yup, hopefully he didn't get stepped on. What a good way to spend $50 per ticket, man.

Despite human beings, the Dave Matthews Band put on a pretty amazing show. They defiantly gave us our moneys worth. They played for 2 and a half ours with plenty of entertainment and solos attached. And, along with every other concert I go to, there was that hint of feeling infinite for a few moments. Truly happy with no worries attached. That moment lasted for a few seconds, but it was amazing nonetheless.

bah! This blog is long enough. This concert rant isn't as nearly as what I can really say about people at concerts, but it will do for now.

byeee.

Delayed Blog to the rescue!

I am really really delayed on posting a new blog and I apologize for that.

For the past few days I have been playing an abnormal amount of Sims 3 and I've spent a few days in Tall Timbers.

Be prepared for a long blog filled with ranting and raving of the following subjects: Tall Timbers, my future/Sims 3, another list of 10 goals, and maybe some more.

Okay, Tall Timbers. I love the place it's just an extremely hard place to explain. Actually, I don't really go there for the place, I go there for the people. My family has been going there for years and years and I was just sucked into the tradition. I would go there a few times every summer with my dad, I even stayed for a whole month to work with kids in the Arts and Crafts cabin. Along the way we all made out share of friends there, most of them got along with each other (until now, but I will explain that later.)

I tend to remember a lot that has happened at Tall Timbers because there are few memories to look back on. I can recall certain conversations word by word or recall the same feelings I had when I really liked people there.

But now, years later from all the happy memories that we made a lot more often than we do now, people stopped going there, or stopped talking to each other, or are just growing up way to fast. I go there now and we have to avoid people to prevent arguments and drama, we have to beg family to meet us there like it should be. My grandparents aren't there anymore, they fled to North Carolina and they held the best bbqs and they kind of were the knot that held us all together for a while. Then again, some people and things haven't changed at all. For example, despite what people might say, I don't see a huge change in Jessica and Anthony they are still the same people, they are just in a relationship now. The environment hasn't changed. The adults trying to be teenagers and grinding at the dances haven't changed eaither.

I guess that we just have to take whatever Tall Timbers might throw to us next.

As I said earlier, I have been playing an abnormal amount of the computer game, Sims 3. I have been pretty much making my ideal life on a computer game, it's kind of sad.

I mean, it only takes a few days to have a baby, if only that could really happen. In real life, I would probably adopt despite every time I say that I manage to piss someone off (maybe I will have one kid someday, I don't know. I'm still 18, unlike little 15 year olds who want to get pregnant to stay with their boyfriends, I am still too young to think about it.) I am a successful journalist who paints and writes books on the side married to my musician of a husband, Ryan, with two kids, Zoey and Max.

Of course, time seems to go by too fast in this game. It's one of the few factors of the game that really freaks me out because well, time can go that fast for actual human beings as well if they don't pay attention to the rest of their lives.

Sims 3 then leads me to my future and what the freak I want to do with my life.

I am going to college for photography and once and a while...maybe more than that, I question if I should stick with photography orrr what am I really doing with my life? I honestly have no idea. I love photography, sure, I can't really see myself doing anything else except something with writing, hence my minor being journalism. Maybe I will change my minor to something English again or something to do with writing and take a journalism class as well.

I have multiple plans for my future. This is my idea job: Working/managing a photo studio. I would like that to be my full-time job, if I can find somewhere to station that and actually make some money. If not, I can be an adjunct professor on the side, do some documentary work, work in a book store, or run right into the photojournalism path. Who knows?

I guess it really depends on my location and if years and years from now I can still pull out concept ideas for future photos hoots. I will have to see if I can actually pull off studio photography, if I can't I am definitely screwed.

From my future, I roll right into where am I going to live?

Honestly? I just watched two of Michael Moore's films and I don't want to live in America anymore. I mean, if sometime in the next few years America decides to take notes from rather than look down upon other counties, maybe we would be somewhat decent. But, no, the whole system is corrupt. I am so afraid for my future, you have no idea. What if I manage to completely break like 15 bones in my body or something and since I will be a broke photographer, I won't be able to afford the operations let alone my health care in general. Right now, I envy other countries (if you don't know what I mean then please watch the movie, "Sicko"). I would really like to live in Canada or England. But if I live in Canada it would be easier for me to visit family. See? I've got it somewhat planned out.

For now, I'm observing/working as an assistant at a photo studio over the summer (with Jack Cole, some of you might know him). I'll be seeing the Dave Matthews Band on Saturday, next Wednesday I'll be 19, I'll be going to NC soon enough, I will be working at Camp HERE again in July, I mow my dad's lawn every week.

I also planned a photo shoot for tomorrow. It's a concept revolving around my batman cape again except my model is a girl this time. I am kind of excited, I hope it doesn't downpour on us.

Do I know what I am doing? No. But I will wing it and hope for the best.

Okay, here is my old list of 10 goals. I've checked off what I have accomplished.

1. Get a 3.0 GPA or higher this semester ✔
2. Go to NC and visit family I haven't seen in years (probably this summer)
3. Visit Brenda in the city AND Sam in NJ (I'm going to the city this summer)
4. Attempting poetry again (I should, I should, I shoulddd!)
5. Actually pick up my guitar once a day and play for at least an hour ✔ (basically)
6. Explore digital photography more and learn how to use picture editing programs ✔ (kind of...)
7. Go to Warped Tour and find a way to get there that everyone is happy with (nope >.<)
8. Find another job ✔
9. Stop running away from my problems ✔ (basically)
10. Find a way to talk sanity into Melanie ✔ (she's getting slightly better)

Here is my new list:

1. To expand my vocabulary. Learn new words every day. I barely remember what I learned in high school, time to start again.

2. Continue with future photo shoots and always try to think of new ideas and concepts.

3. To have an awesome summer with little drama as possible.

4. To get Ryan to Tall Timbers with my for 4th of July weekend, or river rafting!

5. Force myself to practice drawing and painting even tho I will suck at both.

6. Keep being the book worm that I am.

7. Be a successful studio assistant for the two weeks I actually am working and learn from every minute of it.

9. Attempt to spend equal time with all friends. Oh, if only they all got along -.-

8. Spend more time outside, the computer is overrated!

10. Keep playing that music, music, music!

Okayy, I'm done, sorry for the extra large blog today.. :P