I'm a Soul Mannnn

I haven't written one of these in a while.

But I always feel the need to. Writing these blogs are therapeutic and kind of keep me sane sometimes.

Right now, I am sipping apple juice from a juice box and contemplating the meaning of life...or the meaning of my life for that matter.

As far as I'm concerned, for now the meaning of life is still 42 (for those of you who haven't read The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy you need to get on that).

The past few years of my life, I have made some of the hardest decisions I have encountered yet and I know there's plenty more to come.

Some of those decisions include what college I was going to go to and what major I wanted to peruse most.

I have decided that I am pretty content where I am at. I want to peruse a career in photography and I think that Cazenovia is a good place to start that.

Since I have been here, I also had to learn how to come to terms with change.

I hate doing that.

Since I left high school, I was pretty determined to prove the common fact of losing friends after high school wrong. But, I failed at that. I just don't talk to people like I used to before. The frantic waves, hugs, and hellos in the hallways don't happen in college. Those long talks in study halls and late nights pigging out on junk food never do last forever. That saddens me. I try to talk to people sometimes. But the conversations always seem to fade and sometimes there are those moments where we've realized we all have changed and there's nothing we can do about it. The vibes of our friendship might be lost for a few months, a few years, it may or may not come back. But, we always have the memories and we shouldn't try to erase them by any means. People may say they do, but they can't help but think about it.

I also had to learn how to accept death and how to move on. Last year, both John's father and my Grandpa on my mom's side passed away. It was hard for me to accept both even though I didn't know John's father that well. It killed me to see my Grandpa go though. Old age just got to him to the point where he was weak and couldn't do anything by himself anymore. When he was in the hospital, close to his end, I made sure I had a few minutes with him to talk to him. I told him how much me meant to me and what was currently going on in my life. I was holding his hand the whole entire time and when I was done talking, I saw him squeeze my hand a bit. When I got out to leave, I put a stack of napkins in his hand to make sure he has enough for when he moves on. (He always used to ask waitresses at restaurants for an extra stack of napkins. It turned into an inside joke.)

Another thing I find hard to accept is that my family and family traditions are slowly falling apart. As much as I would like to ignore it and pretend everything is going to be okay, reality just comes back to haunt me again.

Every Easter, I used to go to NJ to spend time with my dad's side of the family. We would all meet up at Aunt Jody's house, go Easter egg hunting, go eat a huge Chinese buffet and take over 4 long tables, and just have a great time.

Last year was my last chance to go to Easter in NJ before college started. But, unfortunately, my dad was in the hospital and I chose not to go because I didn't want to leave him alone.

This year, Jody went to NC to spend time with the rest of our family while I was at home for Easter because Cazenovia is stubborn and won't give us time off like normal colleges.

Another thing that is happening is that my family is beginning to develop a habit of fleeing to NC. (This is still my Dad's side of the family.) Soon, everyone is going to end up there, I swear.

I have nothing against my family living there except it's going to cost me a few hundred dollars just to visit them every time I want to. Right now, my cousins and my aunt's family have been living there for about 2 years and recently my grandparents moved down there. I have yet to visit because I don't have a few hundred to blow on a plane ticket.

Since my grandparents moved down there, now Christmas won't be the same.

meh...